Thursday, November 19, 2009

Wretched Woman

As I have said in previous blogs, I think I’m a pretty intelligent woman. Not trying to be arrogant or self-important. I think quickly and always have. One thing (only one thing?! Ha!) confounds me ... for an intelligent woman, why am I so stupid?

Is there any one of us who doesn’t know what healthy food is? Do we not know that salad is a better choice over hot chips? I mean, we’re not really confused by the fact that they’re both made from vegetables are we? We don’t need some chemist or dietician or weight-loss guru to tell us that fat is bad, do we? Really?

In fact, I not only know what’s good for me, I can feel what’s good for me. I have an intolerance to gluten and dairy. It is boring and annoying and I hate it, but I try to eat within the limitations. If I eat gluten, I get sinus attacks within three days. If I eat dairy, I get what feels similar to a stomach virus within hours. If I am gluten & dairy free for an extended period, I feel healthier, my immunity is boosted and I am pain free. And yet ... when the cream laden pastries are within arms reach ..... swoop! I’ve got one in my mouth and two in my pockets for later! Idiot.

Not to mention the whole weight - exercise - health issue. I know what it feels like to have strong joints and to visibly notice a difference in the toning of my body. I know what it feels like to drop a dress size. But when I’m alone in the car I’ll still drive thru at KFC?! Why, why, why do I make such stupid eating choices?

I hate housework but I love a clean house. I am a procrastinator of the highest order when it comes to chores. Of particular note is clothes washing. I have a friend who actually loves washing the clothes. She enjoys the sorting, the hanging out of fresh, damp laundry, the folding of fluffy newly dry fabric, kissed by the sun and the satisfaction of putting away piles of clothes into their respective places. Nightmare! Nightmare, I say!

But in reality, each step of the laundry process takes very little time. Hanging out a load takes 10 minutes, tops. And yet, stupid/intelligent me avoids doing the task for so long that it ends up needing to be re-washed. The same goes for taking the load down off the line. Many’s the time when I have left a load to be rained upon over days rather than be bothered to venture outside.

What is wrong with me? Why don’t I do the things I know I should do, quickly and when it’s needed. It’s such a good feeling to have them done and yet I leave the jobs fermenting. Fool.

And ironing? You might ask. Oh please .... I don’t iron.

I am a very talkative person. As I’ve mentioned previously, I’ll always offer my opinion and assume that everyone wants to listen to it! But I hate talking on the phone. I especially hate making the phone call. I think there’s something wrong with me. Maybe I got beaten with a phone as a child or something (sorry Mum!).

I hate the dialling (old fashioned term when you think about it), the waiting for the answer, the ‘not sure who you’re speaking to’ feeling, the embarrassment of assuming the voice is your girlfriend’s when in fact it’s her 14 year old son. (Actually at that moment I’m glad I’m on the phone so that we can’t see each other blush!) I hate the forced small talk before you can get to the point of why you’re calling, I hate the lack of eye contact and body language clues and I hate the inane ‘winding up banter’ eg. “Well, I guess I better let you go” Translation: I don’t want to talk to you anymore but I’m pretending I’m stopping out of courtesy to you.

In fact, I take this dislike of phone calls to a whole new level. I have been known to avoid making phone calls for MONTHS for no other reason than I just don’t want to pick up the phone. Making the call would actually only take five minutes and all normal people do it. What is my problem?? Crazy.

The arrival of SMS messaging was the dawn of a new and blessed era for me. Oh the joy of short, sharp, witty comments, practical reminders and brief notes of encouragement or concern with absolutely no need or expectation of banter, openings, endings or awkward silences. Thank you God, for SMS’s.

I’m sure there are many more ways in which I demonstrate the oxymoron of intelligent stupidity. I do what I shouldn’t do and don’t do what I should do. What a wretched woman I am. Am I alone in this? Does anyone else have an unreasonable fear of phones, clothes washing or gluten starvation?

I’m so odd. And at odds with life sometimes.

Thank goodness ... thank God that this life is not all we’ve got.


  1. What a marvellous blog indeed!
    Congrantulations and best wishes from an Estonian living in Italy.

  2. Jewels,
    Thanks for the laugh and the phone-phobia-kinship. Let me say. . .you are not alone and please keep writing about the things most of us think but never dare verbalise!

  3. I had several laugh out louds while reading your latest blog. Why did I not know how much of a comedian you are. O thats right because you never ring me!

    I too have a phobia of phones. You are about the same age as me, perhaps we were part of a phone experiment in the 1970's that went horribly wrong.
    My dislike crosses over to the answering side as well. Sometimes I will let the phone ring out just because I dont want to talk and then wonder who it was. No..... your not the only one with the intelligent stupicity gene!
    I even have my self a mobile which I equally dont want to answer... Are yes the SMS. The ability to say something without actually talking to anybody....

    Facebook & twiter seems to be the real oximorons. A medium that lets us publicise our every moment to a billion people we dont actually know and all without really communicating to any of them. The more technology we get, the more we seem to be able to live life with out getting up from our arm chair.

    Why is it when we are alone we seek the comfort of others, but then we have company we dont know what to say and fill it with small talk.
    "How are you?" and reply "very well thanks" not letting on that we have just spent 20 minutes on the toilet with diarrhea.

    But then give us a public platform and we can share what reall urks us or brings us joy. It used to be the taxi driver who people unloaded to, now its blogs and twiter.

    In an electronic world where communication has never been easier we seem to have lost the art of being personal. The I blame busyness. The microwave was invented because we couldnt wait. We have to have it now because there is no time to wait. By the time the microwave door has swung shut to reheat our dinner we have already grown impatient. Man has held hands with busyness for so long we dont know how to shut it off. When we do get a moment we are not sure what to do with it.
    When is the last time we said no to being busy and just sat and played with the kids for an hour, or shared what we are passionate about with the neighbour.

    Whoops I just meant to say I really like your blog Juliette and I stated to blog myself. Quite ironic, given the topic. Perhaps I give you a ring.......

    Love Geoff

  4. Hi Juliette, wonderful to have you in the blogspere. great blog too. I, too, suffer from inteligent stupidity. Or was the stupid intelligence?

    I think it is a close cousin to the motivation behind addiction. For me, I grasp at the short term pleasure knowing full well the long term pain, yet I do it anyway. My 'addictions' may be different to your but I think they are the same underneath. They are emotionally fed and illogically sustained. they work on the law of diminishing returns: whatever they once promised and provided they no longer deliver but we have embraced them as a habit; possibly the habit of a lifetime!

    I'll watch your space from now on..

  5. Hey J! Finally we meet again! I am ashamed to say that perhaps we lost contact due to our mutual phone phobia, which for me has worsened in my 'older' age ;/ I am so pleased that modern technology has given me the opportunity to become virtually involved in new and old friends' lives.

    Life has changed for me in so many ways over the years, good and bad, but the only constant has been God's presence and guidance for which I am truly thankful.

    Would love to catch up one fine day, perhaps discuss our mutual love of writing or phone phobia :)

    Looking forward to reading more in the future,